Family time

Family time is always amazing and heart warming.

My brother arrived as I was still in the midst of online exam. Notifications after notifications of the flight arrival kept my adrenaline pumping adding to my furkid who decided to vomit in my study just as I started exam. Holiday starts as soon as my last paper ended. 

It had been awhile... It was between catching up on sleep from chronic lack of sleep from last minute mugging for exam to treasuring precious short visit and taking the time to relax from work and studies. 

Luna Park, Horse Riding, ATV adventure, Taroonga Zoo, Hikes, great meals and of course the shopping....

It had been an eventful month away from blogging... Results are out and not as ideal as I would like but at least a distinction overall for both units. Semester had secretly started again before I know it. Work starts and so did the stress....

Away from blogging but the ache never left. It is edged deeper than I would admit. I wish I can support you more even from this awkward position. Thank you for thinking of updating every now and then. I am not sure how to move forward from here and what you actually seek... when and how I should be supporting without overstepping. I thank you for the trust and I apologize for the confusion and silence. 

Hopefully the silence is a sign of peace while I can feel it isn't so at the moment. I am unsure where and how to position anymore without the double edge sword hurting either way. 

Know that I will always care and I am always here even as I try to get into this new routine and discipline that I lack. Hang in there...

-LYAF-

The silence broke

The silence finally broke after what felt like months.

The long awaited call or contact that one had been longing for.

Thank you for thinking of me when you need someone.

Thank you for at least trusting that I still care despite the silence. 

Not sure if I have done the right thing but even if it may not seem so, I am really behind you 1000% but knowing you are falling prey and indulging it blindly was beyond what I should be doing. 

I stayed silent because I felt like that was what you needed and I respected it but seeing things go wrong for you made me question if that was what I should have done. To hang on and support you even when you don't want it. 

As a matter of fact, while you were the one getting scammed, it was hurting me more than it was hurting you. I know where you were coming from and I know how you feel but what can I say than to keep silent and just being around. I don't have a say or a better position to be at this stage. I hate that you had to explain anything but appreciate that you wanted to because it shows you care. That is what makes it all so special and hard at the same time. The connection that should not be is so strong that it does not need words. I wish that I treasured you when I had you, is the constant regret I have to live with.  

As much as this seem like a post with negative connotation, there is actually a deep appreciation for the comfort and peace that contact brought to my life more than what I would like to admit.  

While dealing with unknown at work, misalignment with work expectations, and exam, the silent was getting unbearable but my self comfort was that all was well. Or at least I assumed. While you transitioned into the next stage of your life, I was giving you the space I thought you needed. Again I am not sure where to go from here but one thing I am sure of... I am always here....

-LYAF-

A refreshing awakening from ADHD

 While I always suspected that I have ADHD since young, the certainty came with work experience in the Healthcare industry.

After a long struggle dealing with it on my own... Heavy smoking, Heavy coffee drinking and it was 3times of double shots and twice a day, multiple sleepless nights from a brain that just would not stop. I finally called it quits at 43 years young.

That brought about the next lot of struggles. The search for a private psychiatrist that will take a new adult ADHD patient proved to be a challenge. From asking for up to $2500 for an earlier first appointment to another few months of misery or ones that declined picking up a new patient.

I finally found one who will readily fit me in with a decent waiting time. However, I was basically taken for a run for my money. Again coming from healthcare background, I had all my bloods, test, comprehensive online test and medical history all ready on the first consult. Only to be given an outdated version of the test that I have already done to be returned on the next consult. Then had additional diagnosis which I know does not fit added on to solicitate in a third consult. During the unjustified consult where we barely had 5 mins unrelated conversation, the medication was ordered in a small amount only for the script to be filled again in the next consult in a week. I am currently living in Sydney Australia. I will leave you to do the Math.

All things considered, I have finally started the stimulant for 2 days now. Was it worth the run to the city and the resulting damage to the pocket? DEFINITELY! It beats me how a stimulant works for the brains that is already overstimulated to give clarity! VOILA.... Absolute silence and serenity with a focus that suddenly lost all intrusive thoughts and  resulting multiple side quest. Short lived as it may be but I am still working out my dosage.

I am smoking less, one coffee a day, still a struggle to sleep but assignments are to be blamed for that. Though it may be short lived. It was enough to bring me across the line, finishing up 2 assignments that is overdue but still within extension. Suddenly, there was no reason for procrastination because the focus is as clear as it can be. Is this how a normal human feels? How have I survived all these decades is beyond me. 

If you are struggling with ADHD symptoms, I will definitely advise seeking treatment as soon as you can. Again I thank my crazy self for holding on and managing a life despite the internal mess that I was in.

In saying that, the new clarity in the head brought no clarity to the heart. The intense ache remains as the silence continues. It begs the question if I was reading all the signs wrongly? Is this a quiet exit or it was never there to start with. It matters but does it really matter? As long as you are well, I will continue to thread lightly in the background but love intensely within. 

Till then.

-LYAF- 

Goodbye 2025 and Hello 2026

 I am not even sure where to start...

It's the first week of 2026.

It had been so eventful but in a good way.

I had my car screwed by a shop (AGAIN) then managed to get it looked at and passed by someone else. Message to self again.... TRUST MY INSTINCT! Would have saved so much time... and money...

Scrapped through the long fortnight of full time hours with work, hardly had time for anything... feeling under the weather... But I made it!

The Furkid has a minor surgery but multiple things done... Dental, Bloods, removal of cyst, "circumcision", and trimming of all his quick. He went freshly groomed and came home with poo all over. The rest is self explanatory... I am Glad I grabbed a towel to go pick him up. Not sure why I did but I am glad... I feel the pain for him and my pocket. Well... I am just happy the little yapper is back home alive and I have the finances to put us through this pain.

In the midst of all these madness between the untreated ADHD, Life, Work and missing you quietly in the background... I managed to almost finalise one assignment out of 4. 

Life continues this week... a new year and a new beginning... all with the exception of the matters of the heart... it just remains status quo buried deep down... Will keep going with this assignment due in a week's time. 

I thank God for every everything in my life. Big and small blessings. the messages, social media updates and just being in my life... Even the Thai GL drought came at a good time. LOL... Amen.

Till then...

-LYAF-