While I always suspected that I have ADHD since young, the certainty came with work experience in the Healthcare industry.
After a long struggle dealing with it on my own... Heavy smoking, Heavy coffee drinking and it was 3times of double shots and twice a day, multiple sleepless nights from a brain that just would not stop. I finally called it quits at 43 years young.
That brought about the next lot of struggles. The search for a private psychiatrist that will take a new adult ADHD patient proved to be a challenge. From asking for up to $2500 for an earlier first appointment to another few months of misery or ones that declined picking up a new patient.
I finally found one who will readily fit me in with a decent waiting time. However, I was basically taken for a run for my money. Again coming from healthcare background, I had all my bloods, test, comprehensive online test and medical history all ready on the first consult. Only to be given an outdated version of the test that I have already done to be returned on the next consult. Then had additional diagnosis which I know does not fit added on to solicitate in a third consult. During the unjustified consult where we barely had 5 mins unrelated conversation, the medication was ordered in a small amount only for the script to be filled again in the next consult in a week. I am currently living in Sydney Australia. I will leave you to do the Math.
All things considered, I have finally started the stimulant for 2 days now. Was it worth the run to the city and the resulting damage to the pocket? DEFINITELY! It beats me how a stimulant works for the brains that is already overstimulated to give clarity! VOILA.... Absolute silence and serenity with a focus that suddenly lost all intrusive thoughts and resulting multiple side quest. Short lived as it may be but I am still working out my dosage.
I am smoking less, one coffee a day, still a struggle to sleep but assignments are to be blamed for that. Though it may be short lived. It was enough to bring me across the line, finishing up 2 assignments that is overdue but still within extension. Suddenly, there was no reason for procrastination because the focus is as clear as it can be. Is this how a normal human feels? How have I survived all these decades is beyond me.
If you are struggling with ADHD symptoms, I will definitely advise seeking treatment as soon as you can. Again I thank my crazy self for holding on and managing a life despite the internal mess that I was in.
In saying that, the new clarity in the head brought no clarity to the heart. The intense ache remains as the silence continues. It begs the question if I was reading all the signs wrongly? Is this a quiet exit or it was never there to start with. It matters but does it really matter? As long as you are well, I will continue to thread lightly in the background but love intensely within.
Till then.
-LYAF-
